Monthly Archives: January 2010

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REASONS TO BE A BETTER PERSON, PART DEUX

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My niece, Jada.

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REASONS TO BE A BETTER PERSON

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My nephew, Declan.

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JUMP ALREADY.

Everyone has already written their Happy New Year blogs, but I wanted to wait a few days and give it some extra thought. I kept seeing everyone signing off of 2009 with a big F U. Fair enough. It has been a pretty rough year for most.?? Pretty weird, too.?? But, my 2009 wasn't that bad. There was only one thing holding me down.

I had a great time on New Year's Eve doing the Merry Mayhem party and hope to continue doing cool stuff like that. We blew it out. We laughed and hung out with all kinds of cool people. It was a perfect night. Then, January 1 rolled around and I started thinking about having to go back to work. Dreading it. Literally, making myself sick over it. Anyone that has followed me on Twitter has watched the trials and doubt and explosive anger that came with the job I had. So, I had 3 days to think about what I wanted to do.??

Quitting was an option, but not having an income certainly wasn't. What the hell could I do? What were my alternatives? What did I want to do in 2010 that I hadn't done before?

I have made it known to everyone that I have created the life I want to lead. I have spent the last 6 years of my life getting my shit together. I spent a lot of time with an awesome therapist who helped me build and rebuild myself after I had created such a mess of myself that professional help was the only way to start sorting out the pieces.?? My family supported me in every single way. I read and listened to music and jumped into math and science.?? I got my mind right. I GOT MY MIND RIGHT.

Also, I came back to New Orleans.

Everything in this life I had reconstructed was amazing. But, I was being held back by my job. It was my only source of anger and unhappiness, when everything else around me was amazing and fulfilling.

So, the night before my return to work I was up nearly all night. Pacing, reading, thinking about goals. Thinking about what I wanted in 2010. Thinking about how I can make my life awesome in 2010. I knew the answer, but it was a scary one.

I ended it.?? I jumped.

The job that was daily, hourly stealing my time, stealing my soul, was done for. I cleared out my desk, turned in my keys and walked out the door, as calm as I had ever been in my life.?? There was a weirdly worded option to "think about" whether or not I wanted to come back, but I knew mid-conversation that no matter what else, THAT WOULD NEVER BE AN OPTION.

So, here it is, nearly halfway into January and I still feel calm. There are moments of panic when I think how I left behind so much security, health insurance, vacation…but for the most part I'm secure in the knowledge that I can sustain until something meaningful and awesome comes along.??

I thought more about what I wanted in 2010. A perfect job? Sure. A big paycheck? Hell yeah. A new laptop? For sure. But, what I really want in 2010 is meaning and fulfillment and to continue living with purpose as I have been.?? I want those things in every aspect of my life. I've got cool gigs coming up doing non-profit work. I am writing professionally about all sorts of cool things and I hope, hope, hope it will only emphasize and add to this perfect game I started rolling in 2009.

I'm going to enjoy unemployment and take the time to travel and see my family and old friends in Texas.

Then, I'm going to come back to New Orleans and OWN 2010.

See you there?

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