Monthly Archives: July 2010


I received a fantastic proposal from Mr. Vincent Cheng Hoi Chuen today worth $22,500,000.00. It's a deal I could not pass up! So easy and such a small price to pay for MILLIONS! This was my response:

"Awesome! I can't wait to be rich! I've been wanting to smoke my burnt cocaine out of a hundred dollar bill lately anyway. Here's my bank information:

[Message truncated]"

Cocaine and whores on me when this deposit goes through!



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You guys: Go check out the event information for Nerd Nite! We are off and running!



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I was given a weird piece of unsolicited advice yesterday that I???ve given some thought. It was received from someone that doesn???t know me well and not enough about me to give me advice. That said, the advice itself stands on its own and is sound and understandable.??

First, a disclaimer: I???m quite aware how I appear to people merely glimpsing at parts of my life via the internet. I have fun. I drink a lot. I go to shows. I LOL and ROFL a lot. ??I have more fun than most people I know. I have no problem with people knowing that. This is the part of my life I choose to share with people. This is mostly what I want shared with me on a medium as relaxed and trivial as Twitter or Facebook.

These days, people are so reliant on what the internet tells them. People rely on blogs, Twitter streams and Facebook pages to get to know you or feel involved in your life when they, on the other side of the Matrix, are actually not. I know this act well, because I am guilty of it, too. I have a definable and positive reaction to the little virtual connections I make all day. Whether real or imagined, with people or ideas, these tiny hypothalamic stimulations shoot that wonderful dopamine around all day and keep my brain active. As an information and dopamine junkie, I am a full on addict.

Anyway, back to the advice. What I received was this (paraphrased): You should write more about your job so that people will get to know you on a professional level and begin to take you more seriously and not as just a party animal.

This is solid advice for people in marketing or for people in positions with a need to be marketed. In fact, I made this point yesterday when I wrote on Twitter ???If I wanted to write about my job, I???d go into marketing and become a Social Media Expert.??? Twitter is lousy with these kinds of professional tweets. It???s so overrun with marketing advice that even the mention of the job title Social Media Expert will elicit groans and eyerolls.?? I???ve unfollowed most of those people because there???s simply no place in my life professional marketing advice is necessary.

On the flip side, this is horrible advice for someone like me who has no need to market my job and no need to write about it. I???m taken seriously by the people who pay me. They???re the only ones I need to influence. I do my job, they pay me for it. Nobody in any social medium pays me for anything, so???guess what? I get to write about whatever the hell I want to write about. Whether people like it/me or not is not my problem and not exactly my first concern.

This is what it???s like to not be bound. This is what it???s like to control your own life.??

I???m not part of some vast Cartesian conspiracy taking place on social media (though I believe they do exist, even if only in small minds and small circles), but I am in full control of the dissemination of my own information. You get the parts of me that I allow. Though most of what I allow is sarcasm and jokes via rough or hasty observations, it is all exactly who I am. I am first stage in what Baudrillard called the precession of the simulacra. I hope to never progress.

I don???t want to fight this advice. I thought I wanted to rant about it. But, I???m starting to see that it came from someone who truly thinks he???s being helpful. I think his point, his request, is to add a little dimension to the monster I???ve created. The quick and easy reply: The point is that I am a multidimensional monster [as we all are] with the right to protect the facets of my life I don???t want shared [as we all do]. ??This is what he has not considered and this is where his advice fails.??

My real battle is railing against assumption that the majority of what the internet, especially Twitter, gives us is a [seemingly faithful] copy of something that was once real but is now, sadly, absent its own reality. It???s the garbage bin that most memes end up in. A meme is, at once, powerful and impotent. ??Ubiquitous, yet stripped of all meaning. ??Or its use becomes ironic [ahem, Social Media Expert], which, to me, is a fate worse than obscurity. I do not want to end up in that bin.

My goal with social media is to faithfully, honestly produce for you my own original odd thoughts, crazy situations or silly observations I witness firsthand to the best of my ability. Granted, there are times when I do embellish or reproduce for the sake of comedy, but most posts are true to what I think or see. There are also times when I choose to censor or quiet myself. In the words of Bobby Brown, that???s my prerogative. ??I???m not trying to market myself toward to any industry or politicize my existence. I???m not trying to give advice or hugs or free passes to movie previews. If I make you laugh, that???s enough for me. If I connect with you over music, that???s my reward. ??My day job is not that funny [except for the parts where I comment on the growing militia mentality in the office] and there is literally zero demand or need for me to expound on its intricacies. So, the reading public can choose whether or not to take me seriously if I don???t talk about it. My job is only a small part of my life and far from the most important one.

In conclusion, judges, I believe I have created a presence online and built a small and loyal following that allows [nay, encourages] me to express myself honestly. I would like to and will maintain this form of free expression whether anyone chooses to read, respond or unfriend. To consciously mete out information in pre-determined percentages would be an affront to my own randomness and individuality. I won???t allow my words, which are ultimately my life, to become a victim of someone else???s sense of propriety or, in a much larger sense, lost in the massive internet vat of postmodernist failure.


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I got permission from The Ex??? to post some of the songs with the lyrics I mentioned last night in the @MegaphoneNOLA show. Will post them here later, as soon as I can.

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I wrote my previous post last Friday morning and just now got around to posting it. This is how uninspired I’ve been lately.??

Randomly, yesterday, I got an @ reply on Twitter from @ChrisTrew of the Megaphone Show. He asked me if I’d be interested in doing storytelling at the Shadowbox show tonight. I replied that I’m not a performer (I haven’t been for quite some time) but that I’d love to come. He then asked if I could be talked into it, so I asked him to call me.

He explained the premise of the show. Megaphone finds an interesting person – in this case I’M the interesting person (!) – to tell true-life stories and then a group of way funnier than me and talented improv actors basically riff off of those stories.?? So, after speaking with Chris and hearing his enthusiasm for the performance, there was no way I could say no. What kind of life would I be leading if I said no every time I was afraid? Certainly not an interesting one.

So, tonight, I am going to attempt to get past my crippling fear and anxiety of public speaking, possibly open some doors to creativity that have been sealed shut as of late, and get on stage with a few random vignettes from my personal Lynchian history.?? I would love for everyone I love to be there as I’m going to need major moral support. Please, please, PLEASE COME.

Here’s more information about the performance itself:

Here’s information about the venue/time/cost:

And you should follow @christrew and @MegaphoneNOLA for updates throughout today.

I’ll be lubing up early to kill the shakes at Capdeville around 7:30 with all my peeps:

Then we’ll convoy down the road for the show. I would really love to share this experience with you and hope you come. If you need more details, please feel free to contact me:
or just call 504.383.4277

Thanks, everyone. Hope to see you!

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It???s been so long since I???ve written. So long that there???s a fear inside me.

Long work hours lead to long weeks and short weekends, if any at all. I???ve let things slack. I???ve let things slide. As I type this, I???m so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.

I must say at this point, the mid-point of 2010, this year has so far been a pretty great one, if tough and busy. I do consider how grim things could have been after January???s madness.?? Fortunately, I wasn???t unemployed for long. My unbelievable ex-boss re-opened a door I was afraid was long shut.?? I went back to the job I love so much. However, I went from working 32 flexible hours a week to working a strict 84 and sometimes more. That itself has stifled the tiny bit of creativity and all the flow I did have.?? It has brought pause to the words that used to rage beneath the roof, swelling and thrashing about, impatient to get out. Impervious to denial.?? I???m now down to 60+ hours a week, which affords me a little extra time, but my thinking processes have already changed dramatically. I am absolutely in love with my job, but have done the one thing I swore I would never do: let my job become my life.

I am currently not composed of words. I am numbers. Solid, inarguable numbers. I am calculating rates of loss and corrosion. I am analyzing thousands of tiny numbers. Mere parts of numbers! All hovering in the thousandths. I???m reading letters that may as well be numbers. Cr, Mn, Fe, Ni, Zn, Mo are unimportant, unpronounceable jibberish until a number value is assigned to them. Elements, while amazing, are rarely spoken of in hushed, romantic tones or loud, creative ones. They are, quite simply, elementary.
My goal now is to find a way back to malleable, manipulable, beautiful, swirly words. To make some room in my brain for writing things for myself, my life, my city.

I can already tell it???s going to be difficult, but writing is what I was born to do. If it???s not hard, why even bother? The lazier parts inside me scream ???just sit back and let it happen???, but I???ve been waiting for that. I???ve been sitting at my laptop with my fingers on the keys and nothing comes. My brain has betrayed me. In the midst of all these numbers, the true loss I should be calculating is the closing of the door to that writer side of my brain. It is slowly shutting away the part of me I actually like. I can???t even see a tiny, comforting sliver of closet light in there.

It???s time to get it back.

I need to get it back.

I need to re-open this door.

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I was asked via Twitter by @fuschigroan to make a playlist of suggestions for her 6 hour road trip over the July 4 holiday. Me being me, I douched around until the absolute last minute deadline. So, I picked out a bunch of semi-random songs from the top of my head for numerous reasons. Some are my favorite songs to sing along to. Some are mellow, some are rockin’. Some aren’t even my favorite songs by the bands, they just happen to be road anthems. Some of them are old favorites, some are new favorites, some I hope you guys will discover and enjoy. They’re in no particular order, because that would just be rude. Are there any you would add? Any you hate or love? Why?


Strange Condition ??? Pete Yorn
November Rain ??? Guns n Roses
Roll With It ??? Oasis
Crooked Teeth ??? Death Cab for Cutie
Murda Marcyville (Remix) – Jay-Z
Rebellion (Lies) – Arcade Fire
You Remind Me Of Home – Ben Gibbard
The Perfect Crime – The Decemberists
July! July! – The Decemberists
Big Sweet Life – Jon Dee Graham
Watch Me Jumpstart – Guided by Voices
Me & Jesus the Pimp in a ’79 Granada Last Night – The Coup
Patience for the Ride – Centro-matic
She’d Never Seen It – Warm in the Wake
The Cheapest Key – Kathleen Edwards
My Mathematical Mind – Spoon
The Way We Get By – Spoon
Gone for Good – The Shins
Stagger Lee – Lloyd Price
Dyslexic Heart – Paul Westerberg
Spitting Games – Snow Patrol
Waste – Phish
Burn – Ray LaMontagne
Heroes of Our Past – Dropkick Murphys
Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain – Willie Nelson
When The Lights Go Out – Black Keys
Man Out of Time – Elvis Costello
Streams of Whiskey – The Pogues
Thrown Out of the Bar – Hank III
Higher and Higher – Jackie Wilson
Sequestered in Memphis – The Hold Steady
Your Heart is an Empty Room – Death Cab for Cutie
What Do You Want Me to Say? – Dismemberment Plan
I’m A Wheel – WILCO
The Choice is Yours – Black Sheep
You’re All I Have – Snow Patrol
Black Coffee in Bed – Squeeze
Gang’s All Here – Dropkick Murphys
I Do Not Hookup – Kelly Clarkson??
Rip Her To Shreads – Blondie
Crazy Bitch – Buckcherry
My Favorite Mutiny – The Coup
The Heart of Saturday Night – Tom Waits
Nothingsevergonnastandinmyway (again) – WILCO
Sittin’ On Chrome – Masta Ace
The Guns of Brixton – The Clash
Big Darkness – Crooked Fingers
Nobody’s Girl – Reckless Kelly
True Love Will Find You in the End – Daniel Johnston
Suffragette City – David Bowie
Modern Love – David Bowie
Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away) – Deftones
Stakes is High – De La Soul
Aftermath USA – Drive-By Truckers
At Home He’s a Tourist – Gang of Four
The First Song – Band of Horses
I Go To The Barn – Band of Horses
Lola – The Kinks
When The Levee Breaks – Led Zeppelin
It Ain’t Over Til It’s Over – Lenny Kravitz
Kick Out The Jams – MC5
Spacelord – Monster Magnet
Enjoy the Ride – Morcheeba
In The Aeroplane Over The Sea – Neutral Milk Hotel
Personality Crisis – New York Dolls
Blank Generation – Richard Hell & The Voidoids
504 – Old 97s
Supersonic – JJ Fad
Where Is My Mind? – Pixies
I Want to Conquer the World – Bad Religion
Living Dead Girl – Rob Zombie
Marquee Moon – Television
Jealous Again – The Black Crowes
Big Sur – The Thrills
Freight Train Blues – The Weary Boys
Ex Lion Tamer – Wire
Don’t Get Me Wrong – The Pretenders
My Mind is Playin’ Tricks on Me – Geto Boys
Dirty Old Town – The Pogues
Pistol of Fire – Kings of Leon

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