Monthly Archives: January 2011

EMAILS FROM MOM

Year to date statistics on Airport screening from the Department of Homeland Security.
Here are their “discoveries.”

Terrorist Plots Discovered        0
Transvestites                            133
Hernias                                     1,485
Hemorrhoid Cases                   3,172
Enlarged Prostates                   8,249
Breast Implants                        59,350
Natural Blondes                       3

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

HELP WANTED – NO ROCK STARS.

I will be hiring a very part-time, short-term personal assistant. I start my next contract on January 17th and will be working super long days (+/- 16 hours including commute) every single day for 10 weeks. I need you to do the things I won’t be able to get to and to keep my physical and mental house together so I don’t get behind and/or go insane.

Hours: 6 to 8 hours a week, and maybe up to 10 during busy weeks. Set your own for the most part. We will discuss and agree on as regular a schedule as possible.
Rate: $20/hour

Requirements:

  • Driver’s license
  • Car
  • Discretion (you will be handling money and some personal bills and will also have access to my house)
  • Honesty (you will be keeping your own time)
  • Prefer someone local to New Orleans

Description:

It’s a pretty easy job and, again, you can basically set your own hours for the most part except for in special cases, and there won’t be too many special cases. You will be:

  • Dropping off/picking up laundry
  • Grocery and personal needs shopping
  • Some bill paying, but I do most online
  • Keeping a calendar
  • Car maintenance – Getting the oil changed, getting it washed, etc.
  • Helping with Nerd Nite
  • Very light housekeeping – Basically loading the dishwasher and also monitoring the cleaning service when they come in.
  • Cat care – There will be some nights I decide to stay in St. James, especially if I work late. I will call you to go feed my cat. Easy.
  • MAYBE simple food prep, for lunches.
  • Light treason.

It’s a really easy job and I am a very nice, easygoing boss. I sometimes offer cool perks like taking you to dinner and/or getting you drunk.

That’s basically it. Don’t email me a resume. Send me an email with a short paragraph about why you think you want to/can do this easy job and your contact details. It’s ok if you are only interested in making a little extra weekly beer or weed money. Put “CHAMP PA” in the subject line so I can filter. I will schedule a time with you next week to get together and talk!

champsuperstar@gmail.com

THANKS!

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized